I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
