When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
