I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
