i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
