I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
