Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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