Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
