Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
