I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
