I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
