Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
