when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
