do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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