its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
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