Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
too bad you live with your parents still
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
