Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
