i think my mom watched the whole time
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
