I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
