You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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