I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
