you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
My breasts were aching with rage.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
