Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
