His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
We're too hungover to prance.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
