Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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