I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
