How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
