What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
