Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
