I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
