I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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