How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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