life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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