i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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