Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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