I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
