Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
