At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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