RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
