I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
