If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
