she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
All the doctor said was why
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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