please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
