Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
We left an ass print on the piano.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
