i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
My cat gives me a boner
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
