one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
