Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
