I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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