it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
