guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
