It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
