I wish I could punch you in the face.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
