they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
